English Circles the Drain

The English language, according to journalist and funny guy Gene Weingarten, died of shame on August 21 of this year. The death went unreported until yesterday, leading some language lovers (well, me) to suspect that the event has been hushed up by the comma-splicing, apostrophe-abusing, word-misusing media. I won’t repeat the gory details—I don’t want to start crying again—but you can read them for yourself in the Washington Post.

Before you sink into despair, let me remind you that some language lovers (me again, or at least one of my multiple personalities) haven’t given up on English just yet. Our language might be on life support, it might be circling the drain, perhaps its spirit is already hovering over its mangled body … but the heart is still beating, however faintly, and parts of the brain remain active. All it really needs is a little love and an infusion of grammar.

People, we can still save English if we just practice a little more care in our speech and writing. We don’t have to be perfect all the time. There’s no need to be uptight over every comma (unless you’re an editor). We can continue to play with our language and deliberately break a rule every now and again. What we can’t do is become so careless that we forget how to communicate an idea clearly and elegantly.

Or we could continue on the path to English 2.0, which is undoubtedly already appearing on an Internet or in a book or newspaper near you. Than wed show those dam editor’s a thing or 2 bout written.