Viagra for Editors?

Lately I’ve been getting frequent spam e-mails encouraging me to buy Viagra from interesting sources. This morning’s e-mail was from “Trustable Viagra Reseller.” “Hi, editor,” the subject line began. Apparently I can get 70% off, which is not nearly as impressive as “Viagra for editor, 77% off.” The place with the bigger discount wasn’t trustable, though.

When I first began receiving these e-mails, I innocently thought there must be some ultra-potent form of the drug being marketed specifically to editors. (Do editors have a reputation for being less potent than, say, fighter pilots?) Maybe Viagra somehow sharpens the synapses and makes it easier to punctuate confusing sentences. What editor couldn’t use something like that? I admit I was a little disappointed to realize the spammers were just plugging the first part of my e-mail address (editor@) into their messages. If I change my address to SparkTwinkle87@, I would be offered the same discount, probably from the same trustable source: “Hi, SparkTwinkle87 — for you 70% off Viagra!”

Then I realized editors don’t really need a fancy drug to help with those tricky punctuation situations and other confusing things. We have far simpler synapse-sharpening methods that don’t involve ordering little blue pills from so-called “trustable resellers.” I myself am currently perfecting a “caffeine and chocolate chip cookie” regimen (caffeine in the morning, cookies in the afternoon). I’m selling the details for a modest fee, but for a limited time and just for you, 77% off!